And so it begins...

The new students have began to arrive...

So far we have two boys, both from the same school in Wisconsin. One of them for sure is a Christian, which is good news for me! It's nice knowing there's someone else going about and you're not the only weirdo on the floor! (Joking, of course, but you get my drift). They both seem nice, and we also discovered there are other permanent students staying at the other side of the floor! How we managed a whole semester without knowing they were there is beyond me.

Generally, it's less lonely now that there are definitely people out there! And we managed to have a decent conversation about church and baptism and all of that kind of stuff with the girls who already live here last night which can only be a good thing.

It's funny how these things happen- I had spent the day hoping and praying for another Christian to arrive at some point, and the same day, into the kitchen walks a guy wearing a 1 million for Jesus t-shirt who wants to be a youth pastor- I don't know about you, but I don't believe in coincidence- God really does hear us when we call! 

In other news, SAAS came through today and I should get 3 weeks worth of Boots pay tomorrow, so things are looking up on the money front. The lady at residential services said just to come in with cash here and there to pay off my December rent- even if it's only £20 or whatever at a time. So that's a bonus. I really do believe that God will provide for me this year, but I need strength to keep believing it every time things go wrong. I've learned this week that provided I have food in, I don't actually need to be spending money- I haven't spent a penny since Monday, and I haven't wanted for anything. I also may be able to get work as a telephone fundraiser or student ambassador which would be perfect as it would only be during the semester, so prayers for that would be appreciated!

All in all, today is a good day. I'm off to step class with the girl across the hall now- pray I survive that and the rest of the day will be great!!

Blessings x

Inspiration

my tiny piece of inspiration for the day- because God reaches out to us when we are struggling, and in ways we do not expect.

I was looking for pictures to put on Enough to Eat (check it out here, it's my baby), when I just felt the words "They are not You" in my mind, over and over. I know the phrase, it's from One Tree Hill- Peyton drew this for Lucas in the early days. I always felt a connection to Peyton's character, and her artwork was something that stuck with me. This picture, the words, just speak to me right now. 

I feel God's calling on me at the moment, as though He has big plans, but I just have to keep pressing into it to find out what it is. It's related to my passions, to Tearfund, to Street Pastors, that I'm sure. I feel called to mission in the next few years also- to some real travel and experience. But it's a waiting game, and it feels like the time while I have to work and study like a regular person is dragging. 

I needed this message to break through my haze- they are not you. Everyone has their role to play and everyone's role is equally important. It's all in the Dead Poet's Society quote- "the human race is filled with passion. So medicine, law, business, engineering... these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love... these are what we stay alive for."

God has a life for me that is worth staying alive for. He knows what I need- and I have nothing to worry about.

They are not me.

Soul Vacations

I had the best day at work I've had yet today. Don't get me wrong, my feet still hurt and nothing different happened- I just had a bit of an attitude shift. Remembering that we can do anything that we do for God is important. I went in with an attitude of joy today. 

There are two important ways of changing that attitude. The first is to hold God's joy at all times- no matter what we would rather be doing. I have found a strabge thing since I started working at Boots- the people there like me. Normally when I start a new job, or anything new actually, I go in there quiet and shy and talk to as few people as possible. But I went in to Boots determined NOT to make any new friends, fresh from the loss of my beautiful Americans. Because of that, I didn't care what anyone thought of me so I was simply myself. They think I'm slightly crazy, I think, but everyone knows me by name (and it's a big store!), and says hello when they see me. I love it!

The second, and equally important thing, is to take a rest when you need it. A physical rest is all well and good- but I can't create extra time! Instead, I take a bath when I need a rest. Or I go somewhere beautiful. Or on my way to work, I bought a cooler from Costa. It's the little things- but it put me in a better mood which set me up right for the whole day.

Happy happy happy today!!

Blessings at New Year

In our rush to encounter all of what the new year has to offer, we often forget to count our blessings. I do it all the time- so I've put together a list of all of the wonderful things that happened to me this year as a reminder to myself.

I moved to Stirling this year. I have experienced living by myself, and grown up a lot as a result. I love being self-sufficient- God has shown me that I am much more capable than I believed. He has also taught me the value of relying on Him- I do not have all the answers, and I never have any money, but by His grace I will survive.

 I joined Shedd. God led me to the most wonderful church I could imagine this year, at the time when I needed it most. I love every single one of the friends I have made there, and the old friends I have been blessed to reconnect with. Shedd is about family, and I am blessed beyond words to be a part of theirs.

I met my beautiful Americans. I have been blessed beyond words in meeting some of the most wonderful people this year- and my life is richer for it. Living with other people is challenging, but there is no one I would rather have experienced it with. I miss them every day, but I thank God that I got to spend the time I did with them, and that I may yet see America for myself!!

I spent time working out in the real world. I got to experience a little of what real adult life is like this year- and meet some fabulous people. I'm so grateful to God for the opportunity- and it helped me to see that a "normal" job will never be for me, revealing another piece of the future I'm trying to see for myself.

I was able to take a holiday with Shelley. Visiting Loch Lomond was a fantastic experience- and I found my favourite place in the world! On top of that, because God is an extravagant God, the very place I fell in love with is only half an hour from where I now live, and I can go there whenever I need to get away.

There have been many, many more blessings, large and small, in my life this year. Sometimes it feels unfair that so many of them are now past and memory- but I do well to remember that what God gives, God takes away. Life is short, and I intend to make the most of it. I believe that I will see my friends again some day, if God wills it, and maybe I will have the opportunity to see more of the world than I ever imagined. 

I leave you with one thought to cling to this New Year- Earth is and will always be the most common place of miracles.

It's been a long day...

A Hard Day

My first day working in the January sales is over! (Even though it's only Boxing Day!!) It would be fair to say I'm exhausted. I actually quite enjoyed it though- it certainly passed quickly. Nothing like a huge crowd to keep you on your toes. 

An exaggeration, perhaps?

Reflection

Surprisingly, I found quite a lot of time for thinking and speaking to God today. I have been thinking a lot about our true names- what God sees when He sees us. When I look in the mirror, I see a lot of things looking back. How do we see ourselves? For me, at least, there are many things- some days I see my illness and nothing else- though those days are rarer than ever now. I see depression in all it's glory, and every negative thing I can attach to myself. Sometimes, like everyone, I see what I think others see when they look at me- maybe a little too chubby, or not quite right in any other ways. And quite honestly, especially now that there is so much pressure in my job to look right, all I see is my hair. The list goes on. I'm sure everyone has one. The question is, how important are these things that I see? The truth is that much of what goes through my head when I see myself is far more superficial than I would like the world to know. And even more importantly, what does God see?

Sunshine

God has shared with me many times now through prophetic words, and reminded and reinforced for me today, that to Him I am sunshine. I am yet to understand the full significance of this, but I hope that one day I will. In me, God sees His glory. That is not me being egotistical, by any means- we all have a share in God's glory. Mine is different from yours- and your glory is unique to you. I have been in some dark, dark places in my life- but I have been called to bring light. My true name is sunshine. Now doesn't that sound childish when put like that?

It's not though. It's what God has called me to be, and I am proud of  it. My heart, at it's most alive, is a heart of light- a heart that brings joy.

I am happy to be light. I am happy to be sunshine. And most of all, I am happy to be called by God to be His own.

Productivity

I'm going to give blood today.

I can't stand needles, but I think it's really important to do it anyway. I haven't been allowed the last few times, because of my tattoo and because I've been unwell. I hope it goes better than the last time I actually was allowed! I got really giddy and nearly passed out.

I'm determined to be productive today. I have already handed in an essay and posted two letters- it doesn't sound like a lot, but it's more than I usually do. That's probably why I'm so tired all the time!! I need to get out and do things. I guess right now though my priority has to be getting my head in my books and preparing for my exams. I need to be careful though- I have a history of being much too hard on myself at exam time.

God Bless x

Freedom...To Work

My final assignment for the semester is complete!! It's a good feeling, knowing that I have no more essays to hand in- and thankfully my grasp on Free Will means that hopefully my lack of actually attending lectures won't show!! Philosophy has been hard work and I don't know if I'll take it again after Christmas, but for now at least it's over. Now all I need to do is tackle the mountains of work I have for Sociology and Law before the exams- easier said than done!! 

Studying

It's so hard to focus when you have things on your mind!!

I'm really struggling to be kind and helpful right now. It's so easy with exams coming up to forget that people have other problems. I'm finding study really tricky- I guess being out of it for so long hasn't helped my cause. But when I sit down to study I'm finding it so hard to focus, and the people around me just aren't as bothered about it as me- and they seem to think that I should be more concerned with other "stuff" that's going on. I don't want people to think I'm just "over it" when it comes to their problems- but to a certain extent I am.

I'm tired. I'm ill. I have an unbelievable amount of work to do. And all I want is peace to do it. I shouldn't be having to lock my door and turn off my phone for that to happen. I need to regroup. Give all my worries over to God and ask Him to help me focus, and to balance getting my work done with showing love to the people around me. I need to get my priorities right, or this is all going to go wrong.