The week is finally here- my baptism is on Sunday!! And amongst all the nerves, anticipation and organisation, it's so easy to lose focus and get caught up in details. I'm finding I need a little time to find my rest in God- not easy when I also have exams and assignments to worry about!!
Dear God,
I pray that you bless me with calm this week. I thank you for the amazing life you have given me, and for the opportunity to stand up before your people and share what you have done for me. I pray that you would be with everyone who attends that service, keeping those I care about safe and well.
Thank you that I have such wonderful friends willing to go so very far to support me, especially those who do not believe in the same things as I do. Thank you that they are willing to sacrifice their pride to support me.
Thank you for the young adults who will be there supporting me also, and blessing me always with their love and friendship. Thank you that I have Linda to stand along side me as we take this step together. Be with her also this week, calming any nerves she may have. Give her the confidence to embrace this step and speak aloud of all you have done. I pray the same over myself at this time, Lord. We are nothing without you.
In Jesus Name,
Amen.
Showing posts with label starting over. Show all posts
Showing posts with label starting over. Show all posts
Monday, 11 March 2013
Thursday, 7 February 2013
And so it begins...
The new students have began to arrive...
So far we have two boys, both from the same school in Wisconsin. One of them for sure is a Christian, which is good news for me! It's nice knowing there's someone else going about and you're not the only weirdo on the floor! (Joking, of course, but you get my drift). They both seem nice, and we also discovered there are other permanent students staying at the other side of the floor! How we managed a whole semester without knowing they were there is beyond me.
Generally, it's less lonely now that there are definitely people out there! And we managed to have a decent conversation about church and baptism and all of that kind of stuff with the girls who already live here last night which can only be a good thing.
It's funny how these things happen- I had spent the day hoping and praying for another Christian to arrive at some point, and the same day, into the kitchen walks a guy wearing a 1 million for Jesus t-shirt who wants to be a youth pastor- I don't know about you, but I don't believe in coincidence- God really does hear us when we call!
In other news, SAAS came through today and I should get 3 weeks worth of Boots pay tomorrow, so things are looking up on the money front. The lady at residential services said just to come in with cash here and there to pay off my December rent- even if it's only £20 or whatever at a time. So that's a bonus. I really do believe that God will provide for me this year, but I need strength to keep believing it every time things go wrong. I've learned this week that provided I have food in, I don't actually need to be spending money- I haven't spent a penny since Monday, and I haven't wanted for anything. I also may be able to get work as a telephone fundraiser or student ambassador which would be perfect as it would only be during the semester, so prayers for that would be appreciated!
All in all, today is a good day. I'm off to step class with the girl across the hall now- pray I survive that and the rest of the day will be great!!
Blessings x
So far we have two boys, both from the same school in Wisconsin. One of them for sure is a Christian, which is good news for me! It's nice knowing there's someone else going about and you're not the only weirdo on the floor! (Joking, of course, but you get my drift). They both seem nice, and we also discovered there are other permanent students staying at the other side of the floor! How we managed a whole semester without knowing they were there is beyond me.
Generally, it's less lonely now that there are definitely people out there! And we managed to have a decent conversation about church and baptism and all of that kind of stuff with the girls who already live here last night which can only be a good thing.
It's funny how these things happen- I had spent the day hoping and praying for another Christian to arrive at some point, and the same day, into the kitchen walks a guy wearing a 1 million for Jesus t-shirt who wants to be a youth pastor- I don't know about you, but I don't believe in coincidence- God really does hear us when we call!
In other news, SAAS came through today and I should get 3 weeks worth of Boots pay tomorrow, so things are looking up on the money front. The lady at residential services said just to come in with cash here and there to pay off my December rent- even if it's only £20 or whatever at a time. So that's a bonus. I really do believe that God will provide for me this year, but I need strength to keep believing it every time things go wrong. I've learned this week that provided I have food in, I don't actually need to be spending money- I haven't spent a penny since Monday, and I haven't wanted for anything. I also may be able to get work as a telephone fundraiser or student ambassador which would be perfect as it would only be during the semester, so prayers for that would be appreciated!
All in all, today is a good day. I'm off to step class with the girl across the hall now- pray I survive that and the rest of the day will be great!!
Blessings x
Wednesday, 30 January 2013
Exciting News
There's good news, and there's bad news. It's always better to end on a high, so firstly, I heard back from SAAS today and they are not going to reassess my loan and bursary. This means I cannot afford to pay my rent, or living costs at all for that matter, from here on in, so I am leaning on God more than ever in this department. There really is no money. It's not what I want to be thinking of or concerned with, but there it is. I'm a bit lost on how to deal with it. Please do pray if you would- it's a scary situation.
There are plenty of practicalities along with baptism, not least deciding what to say when the time comes!! I guess I'll worry about that when I have my peace and quiet in my room back, and unlimited time to get it done. I also have to choose someone to be waiting with my towel when I get out. That's as hard I think. I want it to be Amy!! But she's very very far away unfortunately. Besides that, I do have some very good friends at Shedd. There are three people I'd like to ask so I just have to choose one- one is ruled out by gender, since I need someone to come into the ladies with me!!
I'll have to do lots of praying about this one I think. I can't wait!!!!
The good news, however, is very very exciting!! I had a meeting last night with Stephen, our pastor at Shedd, and set a date for my baptism- Linda and I will be baptised together on March 17th. I can't wait!! It's such a great thing to happen in my life. A chance to make a chance, to publicly renounce the way I have behaved in the past and start fresh.
There are plenty of practicalities along with baptism, not least deciding what to say when the time comes!! I guess I'll worry about that when I have my peace and quiet in my room back, and unlimited time to get it done. I also have to choose someone to be waiting with my towel when I get out. That's as hard I think. I want it to be Amy!! But she's very very far away unfortunately. Besides that, I do have some very good friends at Shedd. There are three people I'd like to ask so I just have to choose one- one is ruled out by gender, since I need someone to come into the ladies with me!!
I'll have to do lots of praying about this one I think. I can't wait!!!!
Tuesday, 25 December 2012
A Change of Heart
Excited!!
I'm feeling really close to God at the moment, as I mentioned in my last post. I have been reading another John Elderedge book- every time I read one it seems to change how I see God completely- and always just in the way I need. The last one I read totally changed the way I see Jesus. This time it's Waking the Dead. It's all about God's desire to see us come alive as we were intended to be. The key message is that the glory of God is in man fully alive. It's a difficult message to understand- it's one that has to be received rather than explained and it took me quite some time to get there- but it changes everything. Literally everything. The idea that my living life fully alive brings glory to the Lord- was the purpose of Jesus' coming- has fired up my soul.
Alive
It's given me a confidence that has been lacking recently. One that I found at Imagine this year, but lost somewhere along the way, in all the relationship drama and other nonsense since summer. It's been stolen by the enemy in the course of my trying simply to live out each day- I have forgotten again what it means to be me. If my being fully alive is God's desire and glory, then alive I shall be. I feel alive. It's a change in me- a change I genuinely believe those close to me should be able to see. We forget that original glory came before original sin. God made us glorious- so being fully human, fully myself is actually a good thing. The best thing.
I had a great chat with Amy about this kind of thing a few weeks ago. As Christians, we often face the idea that there is a certain way we ought to behave- especially, I find, as a young woman. I must be gentle, polite, calm and not imposing. Well God did not create me that way. I am not quiet. I am not gentle. I am loud, and happy, and I like to share what's going on with the people I love- not keep it to myself in the name of saving face. And that, my friends, is how God made me. I have suppressed this on and off for a long, long time. I get attached to people quickly- but I show it slowly. I never want to be seen to be too much- for the fear that who I really am is, in fact, not enough. But what I have discovered is this- to fail to embrace the way you were created is to deny the glory of God in your heart. What we were actually discussing was swearing- an odd example, I know, and not something I advocate, although I have been known to use some choice words on occasion. Okay, much more than on occasion. For a long time, I swore like a sailor. Or more accurately, like a chef.
Experience
To explain where our discussion took us, I have to explain why it is that I swear, and what I believe about how we are created. I never used to swear- not ever. That was before I ended up working in a kitchen. By the time I had been there five years, speaking that way was normalised for me. It was just how we communicated- and it was noticed if you didn't. I have always sought to fit in- this, I think, is clear. But some habits are difficult to break. Here's the clincher. though- God has a plan for each of us. He puts us in certain places as we grow to prepare us for His great plan. There are people each of us will cross paths with, and those are the people we should communicate with, build relationship with, and share our lives with. If the best way to communicate with them is on their terms, well then God may well call us to fit into their world. That looks different depending on where we are, but if it's in His plan, it most certainly is not wrong.
Please don't think that what I'm trying to do here is to justify one of my bad habits- it's something I acknowledge, and I genuinely believe I'm getting a lot better, by grace. God is changing my heart, and speaking that way no longer feels natural to me. What I'm really getting at is the heart of the issue- the heart of all of our issues. We are broken now- but we were created glorious. Jesus came to forgive us- but also to allow us to forgive ourselves, and most importantly, to make us whole again. To restore our hearts to glory. I am no longer afraid to stand out and be noticed, because I trust that in prayer and through a genuine change of my heart, God will have me noticed for the right reasons.
Doing Life
You are told constantly that there is a "Christian" way to behave, and to do life- but that's the problem. We are doing life- we are not living it.When we modify our behaviour- and do not ask and allow the Lord to modify our hearts- we deny God the chance make us whole- I deny Him the opportunity to make me fully me again. We are not called to sink into the shadows. We are called to bring light.
You and I need to embrace ourselves- I am me. No one can be more me than I- and I am just as God intended me to be. Life can destroy me, if I let it. Only God can make me glorious in the essence of who I was born to be. And that, my friends, is the most important thing I ever need to know.
Saturday, 15 December 2012
Wreaking Havoc
Nature is a beautiful and terrible thing.
By the sea is one of my favourite places to be. When I am in Stirling I miss it awfully. It looks especially beautiful in winter, all whipped up. But last night a combination of a high tide and dreadful wind caused carnage here in Stonehaven. The seafront is devastated. Businesses and homes alike have been flooded, some near enough destroyed, by the sea. The boardwalk is torn up. The sea has ripped apart hundred year old walls as though they were nothing.
It's truly awful to see. The sea, still beautiful, has not yet calmed. There is no use in a clean up operation until later on in the week when we can be sure the worst is over.
This is a sad state, particularly when we remember that Stonehaven is famous for its New Year celebrations, and this year with the new look Open Air in the Square bringing in thousands from outside the town, the pressure is on to have this all cleaned up as quickly as possible.
It's a good reminder to me, of God's power. He chooses to be a true and loyal God, loving to the last and more beautiful than anything we can see or imagine. His power, though, should not be underestimated. Personally, I have always found the idea of fearing God, the God I know, a little difficult to understand. The situation in my hometown today has given me an insight into what that really means.
By the sea is one of my favourite places to be. When I am in Stirling I miss it awfully. It looks especially beautiful in winter, all whipped up. But last night a combination of a high tide and dreadful wind caused carnage here in Stonehaven. The seafront is devastated. Businesses and homes alike have been flooded, some near enough destroyed, by the sea. The boardwalk is torn up. The sea has ripped apart hundred year old walls as though they were nothing.
It's truly awful to see. The sea, still beautiful, has not yet calmed. There is no use in a clean up operation until later on in the week when we can be sure the worst is over.
This is a sad state, particularly when we remember that Stonehaven is famous for its New Year celebrations, and this year with the new look Open Air in the Square bringing in thousands from outside the town, the pressure is on to have this all cleaned up as quickly as possible.
It's a good reminder to me, of God's power. He chooses to be a true and loyal God, loving to the last and more beautiful than anything we can see or imagine. His power, though, should not be underestimated. Personally, I have always found the idea of fearing God, the God I know, a little difficult to understand. The situation in my hometown today has given me an insight into what that really means.
Wednesday, 12 December 2012
Big Decisions
I've made a big decision- and it's very exciting!!
I'll be taking baptismal classes while I'm home, with the aim of getting baptised before I go back to Stirling. I'm looking forward to it a lot!!
It's been a bit of a journey- baptism is something I've been thinking about for a while now- I really think it's the next step for me, as becoming a fully fledged member of Shedd who contributes and all that is really important to me. I also feel that after all I've done and been through, God wants to reaffirm that he can wash anything clean- there is a lot I have done that I'm not proud of and that gesture of love is important to me. I'm also very afraid of going under water- an obvious barrier to the whole idea of full submersion!!- but I've been working with my good friend Amy on getting over that fear, and I finally feel ready.
It means a lot to me to have the chance to stand publicly and renounce my behaviour in the past, and embrace all that God has for me in the future. I'm very excited!!
I'll be taking baptismal classes while I'm home, with the aim of getting baptised before I go back to Stirling. I'm looking forward to it a lot!!
It's been a bit of a journey- baptism is something I've been thinking about for a while now- I really think it's the next step for me, as becoming a fully fledged member of Shedd who contributes and all that is really important to me. I also feel that after all I've done and been through, God wants to reaffirm that he can wash anything clean- there is a lot I have done that I'm not proud of and that gesture of love is important to me. I'm also very afraid of going under water- an obvious barrier to the whole idea of full submersion!!- but I've been working with my good friend Amy on getting over that fear, and I finally feel ready.
It means a lot to me to have the chance to stand publicly and renounce my behaviour in the past, and embrace all that God has for me in the future. I'm very excited!!
Thursday, 6 December 2012
Finished!!!
Well, the semester is officially over. My last final is done and I am free to go home, or stay here, or basically do what I want. I've been desperate to get home all semester. But now...
Well, I don't need to get back for Lewis any more. I saw my mum at the weekend so she'll be fine for a few extra days, and my friends- well they're all here. And now I have to face the reality that when I leave on Saturday, I say good bye to most of them, kind of forever. Unless on the slim chance at some point in our lives we're visiting the countries each other live in, we won't ever hang out again. I know I'll see amy- that's not the same. I couldn't live without her for ever. But I like living with these people. I like what we have. And now everyone is going home- and they're not coming back.
After Christmas, we get an onslaught of new exchange students and go through the whole process of making friends all over again. It never occured to me to keep anyone at a distance, but it's starting to. I hate goodbyes. If we make friends with all the newbies, this has to happen again. I sometimes wish I was the sort of person who could detach myself. But I know in my heart that isn't what God wants for me. I read a quote this week from Andrea Gibson:
"A Doctor once told me I feel too much. I said, so does God. That's why you can see the Grand Canyon from the moon."
It's my greatest gift and my Achilles heel- I feel too much. I'm scared to ask God to break my heart for what breaks his because when he does it cripples me. There must be a way I can draw my strength from Him- to be stronger. I've experienced pain and heartbreak, and I know I can withstand it, but I love too deeply too quickly and that leads to so much pain. I don't know how I'll deal with saying goodbye to these people- I love them all, even those I had trouble with at first- but I know God will be my strength, and I know he will send people into my life in their stead- he won't leave me here alone.
Well, I don't need to get back for Lewis any more. I saw my mum at the weekend so she'll be fine for a few extra days, and my friends- well they're all here. And now I have to face the reality that when I leave on Saturday, I say good bye to most of them, kind of forever. Unless on the slim chance at some point in our lives we're visiting the countries each other live in, we won't ever hang out again. I know I'll see amy- that's not the same. I couldn't live without her for ever. But I like living with these people. I like what we have. And now everyone is going home- and they're not coming back.
After Christmas, we get an onslaught of new exchange students and go through the whole process of making friends all over again. It never occured to me to keep anyone at a distance, but it's starting to. I hate goodbyes. If we make friends with all the newbies, this has to happen again. I sometimes wish I was the sort of person who could detach myself. But I know in my heart that isn't what God wants for me. I read a quote this week from Andrea Gibson:
"A Doctor once told me I feel too much. I said, so does God. That's why you can see the Grand Canyon from the moon."
It's my greatest gift and my Achilles heel- I feel too much. I'm scared to ask God to break my heart for what breaks his because when he does it cripples me. There must be a way I can draw my strength from Him- to be stronger. I've experienced pain and heartbreak, and I know I can withstand it, but I love too deeply too quickly and that leads to so much pain. I don't know how I'll deal with saying goodbye to these people- I love them all, even those I had trouble with at first- but I know God will be my strength, and I know he will send people into my life in their stead- he won't leave me here alone.
Sunday, 14 October 2012
Finding My Feet
I've just come back from my first service at Cornton Baptist Church. I enjoyed it- the church is small, the congregation a lot smaller than anywhere I've ever been before. The people seem lovely- more than one came up to me to say hello and have a chat. The small group of students seem very welcoming and friendly too, like the sort of people I could get on with.
The service was very structured and quite formal- not what I'm used to at Shedd, but much more like the Church of Scotland churches I was brought up in. The main thing is, the people seem nice and I'm looking forward to going back.
The service was very structured and quite formal- not what I'm used to at Shedd, but much more like the Church of Scotland churches I was brought up in. The main thing is, the people seem nice and I'm looking forward to going back.
Thursday, 4 October 2012
Welcome!!
Welcome to my blog!!
the beautiful campus that is my new home
A little about me? I moved to Stirling in September to study Law and Criminology- I had done a year of Politics and IR at Aberdeen, but God had other plans for me! I strayed from him for a long time, got into some stuff I shouldn't have, but am now (in my opinion!!) back on track. I am in recovery from moderate depression, and trying to put my past behind me. Hopefully this blog will help me on my way, and help others too!
You'll have to bear with me as I do a bit of catch-up work- I felt this was something God wanted me to do from the off, but I ignored that feeling through the fear it would be difficult and awkward. Writing is a gift I have been blessed with and aware of all my life, so where those doubts came from is anyone's guess. I'll discuss the issues I've had finding a church, making new friends, moving in with new people and all the rest. There have been many trials already and I'm sure there are more to come, but I'm sure that God is in the middle of it guiding my life.
Welcome, again, and I hope you can find some inspiration and comfort here.
God Bless x
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