Blessings at New Year

In our rush to encounter all of what the new year has to offer, we often forget to count our blessings. I do it all the time- so I've put together a list of all of the wonderful things that happened to me this year as a reminder to myself.

I moved to Stirling this year. I have experienced living by myself, and grown up a lot as a result. I love being self-sufficient- God has shown me that I am much more capable than I believed. He has also taught me the value of relying on Him- I do not have all the answers, and I never have any money, but by His grace I will survive.

 I joined Shedd. God led me to the most wonderful church I could imagine this year, at the time when I needed it most. I love every single one of the friends I have made there, and the old friends I have been blessed to reconnect with. Shedd is about family, and I am blessed beyond words to be a part of theirs.

I met my beautiful Americans. I have been blessed beyond words in meeting some of the most wonderful people this year- and my life is richer for it. Living with other people is challenging, but there is no one I would rather have experienced it with. I miss them every day, but I thank God that I got to spend the time I did with them, and that I may yet see America for myself!!

I spent time working out in the real world. I got to experience a little of what real adult life is like this year- and meet some fabulous people. I'm so grateful to God for the opportunity- and it helped me to see that a "normal" job will never be for me, revealing another piece of the future I'm trying to see for myself.

I was able to take a holiday with Shelley. Visiting Loch Lomond was a fantastic experience- and I found my favourite place in the world! On top of that, because God is an extravagant God, the very place I fell in love with is only half an hour from where I now live, and I can go there whenever I need to get away.

There have been many, many more blessings, large and small, in my life this year. Sometimes it feels unfair that so many of them are now past and memory- but I do well to remember that what God gives, God takes away. Life is short, and I intend to make the most of it. I believe that I will see my friends again some day, if God wills it, and maybe I will have the opportunity to see more of the world than I ever imagined. 

I leave you with one thought to cling to this New Year- Earth is and will always be the most common place of miracles.

Finished!!!

Well, the semester is officially over. My last final is done and I am free to go home, or stay here, or basically do what I want. I've been desperate to get home all semester. But now...

Well, I don't need to get back for Lewis any more. I saw my mum at the weekend so she'll be fine for a few extra days, and my friends- well they're all here. And now I have to face the reality that when I leave on Saturday, I say good bye to most of them, kind of forever. Unless on the slim chance at some point in our lives we're visiting the countries each other live in, we won't ever hang out again. I know I'll see amy- that's not the same. I couldn't live without her for ever. But I like living with these people. I like what we have. And now everyone is going home- and they're not coming back.

After Christmas, we get an onslaught of new exchange students and go through the whole process of making friends all over again. It never occured to me to keep anyone at a distance, but it's starting to. I hate goodbyes. If we make friends with all the newbies, this has to happen again. I sometimes wish I was the sort of person who could detach myself. But I know in my heart that isn't what God wants for me. I read a quote this week from Andrea Gibson:

"A Doctor once told me I feel too much. I said, so does God. That's why you can see the Grand Canyon from the moon."

It's my greatest gift and my Achilles heel- I feel too much. I'm scared to ask God to break my heart for what breaks his because when he does it cripples me. There must be a way I can draw my strength from Him- to be stronger. I've experienced pain and heartbreak, and I know I can withstand it, but I love too deeply too quickly and that leads to so much pain. I don't know how I'll deal with saying goodbye to these people- I love them all, even those I had trouble with at first- but I know God will be my strength, and I know he will send people into my life in their stead- he won't leave me here alone.

Exam Day!

I have my sociology exam today.

I'm sure it'll be fine- first year exam, can't really go wrong can it? But I'm still a little nervous. Tomorrow I have law, which is way more cause for concern. Unfortunately my life kind of revolves around studying at the moment, so there isn't very much worthwhile to say.

I'm a little worried about the weather, as the snow at home means I might be stuck here for a while, but I guess God's will is in that- I'm in no hurry to get back, I'll go when I'm sent. I'm going to have to say goodbye to my lovely American friends when I do go, so I'm not really looking forward to it. I'm not sure what I'll do without the Amys!! I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. 

More later- must study!!

God Bless x

Visions

So I guess I omitted a pretty big piece of information about the time when I was ill at home. To shed a little light on the background to this, prophecy is something I have been praying into for a long time, and talking over with people I know take this kind of thing seriously. I'm not brave enough to even attempt to prophesy over another person, whether I know them or not, but with God's help I'm working on it.

I guess what got me thinking about prophecy properly in the first place was Mike Pilavachi's talk at Imagine Scotland this year. He put forward the idea that actually we should desire spiritual gifts, which is biblical- 1 Corinthians 14:1- Follow the way of love and eagerly desire spiritual gifts, especially the gift of prophecy. To me, the idea that all I had to do was ask God for spiritual gifts was totally new- it never occured to me that people weren't born with the ability to use certain gifts, and as far as I was concerned before, mine was my voice. 

Mike Pilavachi speaking at Imagine earlier this year

Mike told us a story about a time when he was asked to sit with a man renowned for his gifting in prophecy and had absolutely no idea what to do. When the first couple came to them, he sat for a long, long time, and all that he could think of was a swear word in Greek, which was a terrible, derogatory thing to call a woman. He really didn't want to say it, but when he got up the courage, the woman broke down. It turned out her ex-husband had been Greek, and emotionally abusive. Even in front of other people he did not refer to her by her name, but rather by this terrible word. The lesson he shared, essentially, was that if you listen to God, however crazy it seems, he'll tell you what He wants people to hear.

And so, long story not so short, this idea really moved me and I feel prophecy is a gift God wants to share- but for now I'm comfortable just getting visions for me!! 

So, back to the original story, last Sunday night we had a Worship Central session at Shedd. Boyfriend convinced me to stay an extra day to go to it, and it was so incredibly beneficial. During a time of worship, I asked God to show me the plans he had for me, and what I saw was this (and I'm aware I have now crossed the line into crazy people territory, just bear with!!)-

So first I saw a city at night from above- then I saw the Wallace Monument behind that city, so ok it's Stirling. Then every person in the city who needs God lit up and shone like a yellow light, so the whole place was lit up with people. There was a concentration of light in one particular area, so ok now God's showing me where there is the greatest need for Him. Then, I was in Cornton (which I only know because I've driven through it like twice) and I was standing in front of the church there (which I've never seen in my life). Then the doors open, and a rush of water comes out, and there are people swimming in it- they circled around the people with the lights, who were then lifted up out of the water towards the sky. So at this point, I was confused and a little scared, but excited all the same. So I asked God what I need to do to bless Him, what He wants me to do- and then I was before Jesus. God told me to get on my knees, so I did (in real life too!) and Jesus anointed me with oil.

Cornton Baptist Church

So now everyone is thinking I'm mental, and that's fair enough- I might be!- but I'm so sure of God's promises and that what He tells us in the bible. He tells us that prophecy is real- and given the trouble I've been having finding a church to keep going to, this seems pretty clear to me. I guess all I can do is go there and see what happens. The thing about prophecy is it's not an exact science- it could well be that I didn't see what I thought I did, or I only saw what I wanted to see, or even that I misunderstood what I did see. But all I can do is pray into that, trust God and go forward.

Moving In

Culture Shock

My new home was very, very different to what I was used to. Even after a month, there's some adjusting to do. There were practical things to think about, such as finding cupboard space in the kitchen and fitting all of my things into my little room, as well as the rest. My mum helped me to move in, which must have been hard for her. We have always been close, and her leaving was challenging. I called my best friend straight away so that she could cheer me up- in retrospect I should have turned to God and that's where I started to fall down. 

My New Home

My room is very small compared to my room at home, and sharing cooking space is something I struggle with. I have taken to eating at erratic times simply to guarantee peace to cook! This is something I will have to work through, with God's help of course, as I miss a great deal of opportunities to talk to my flat mates by keeping to my room as much as possible. This is something I have worked on since moving in, and I sit in the kitchen much more often now than at first. 

New Friends

Gradually over the next few days I started to meet the people I'm to live with this year. A lot of them are exchange students, mostly in their third year of study in the USA, so my fears of being the oldest there and not fitting in were largely unfounded. I believe that this was by God's grace as it was something that I had a lot of worries about. They proved to be lovely- and a few share my faith, which is such a huge support, although not something we openly discuss as yet. 

Me with one of my lovely new flatmates

There have been the usual issues over keeping the kitchen tidy, noise levels and such like, but nothing major so far. I can only thanks God for putting me with such a nice group of people- though I rarely dislike anyone, I am not the most patient of people, nor I suppose the easiest to live with due to my (at times erratic) mood changes and constant need to please everyone, which I have learned over the years can be irritating.

I have found it tricky to socialise in such a large group, and it wasn't until some opportunities for one-on-one time presented themselves that I made any true friends. For the first week, it was a very lonely place to be. I stopped talking to God as much as I should have, and desperately wanted to fit in. Because of that, I fell back into old habits- but more on that later. Within 3 days I came home for the night to see my family and boyfriend. 

Lessons

sharing my space is an ongoing challenge for me- particularly in light of the noise levels and amount of drinking that goes on sometimes. I think this is something I will need to lay before God and accept that I cannot change- all I can change is how I deal with the environment, and for that I need God's grace and the power only He has to change my heart.

God Bless x

Leaving Home

One of the huge challenges for anyone moving onto campus for their studies is leaving home. This is something I was particularly dreading as I am very close with my family, and have a niece who is only just 2. I live in the beautiful town of Stonehaven with my Mum and Dad, and my sister lives just up the road with my niece. Saying goodbye to her was something that required a great deal of strength. Through this situation, God is bringing me to a place of total reliance on Him. I had to leave all my safety nets behind me in order to carry out His plans for me- that was not an easy thing to do.

The town of Stonehaven

The other people who I found it difficult to leave were the Young Adults at my home church, Sheddocksley (fondly known as The Shedd). They have held me faithfully in their prayers both in the lead up to the big move, and since. For the first time in a long time, this group of people makes me feel safe and comfortable. They are a huge encouragement to me, and without their love and prayers I believe this journey would be much, much harder. They have supported me, and spoken words of love and truth over me from the minute I waked through the door. I truly believe that God puts people in our lives during the seasons that we need them- and I pray that I can be as much of an encouragement to them as they have been to me. 

Obviously, one of the hardest things to do was discuss with my boyfriend the potential of doing the long distance thing. Although we genuinely believe that God's plan is for us to be together, the timing hasn't been ideal. It's been hard work for both of us- but more on that later.

For others in a similiar situation, I would say that the best thing to do is dwell on God's plan for you. For me, the verse that stuck with me throughout was Jeremiah 29:11;

"For I alone know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to bring about a hope and a future."

Obviously, this is much more easy to say than it is to do, and I could have handled the situation with a great deal more grace than I did- but then when so we not fall short? I find comfort in the knowledge that God's grace is eternal and his mercies are new every morning. 

God Bless x