Brilliant

It's a beautiful day! About to go hit the gym, but before I do, I just wanted to share some of my thoughts.

It's hard when things start to come to an end, and we see this finality coming and want to avoid it. For me, the semester coming to an end marks a farewell to some of the most wonderful people I have ever met. But if we take the opportunity that is presented to us, with God we can use these times to re-evaluate and see how far we have come.

For me personally, I have come incredibly far in the past year. My life has turned 360 degrees. I am so in love with the Lord and with life, in a way I never thought I would be. This morning for the first time, I used the gift of prophecy intentionally to speak over a close friend, and was just so incredibly blessed that God used me to speak to her in that way. It is the most incredible feeling there is, just to hear God speaking over someone and feel His love for them radiate through you. Of course it's not my place to even hint at what the Lord had to say to her, but I am so incredibly blessed that God is willing to use someone as sinful as me to bring light to others. 

I'm fighting hard to be a better person, and I think that my feeling inferior to other believers is something that I can overcome with the help of the Lord. I am not a "holy" person. But the truth is, not one of us truly is and the Lord is willing to use every one of us to complete His plan and His vision.

I'm looking forward to getting more involved with the CU, and pray that even after my dear friends leave me I would not be afraid to go alone and make some new friends. God has been using the people around me to drag me kicking and screaming out of my comfort zone recently, and scary as it is at the time, long may it continue. I have experienced so much that I would never have seen sitting alone in my room. 

At the risk of rambling, I'll leave it there for today, but just know how loved you are. Life is good. God is brilliant.

Baptism

I finally took the plunge!!

On Sunday, I was baptised in Shedd, surrounded by so many wonderful friends. Seven of my flatmates, plus my bestie, all came home with me to be at the service, and I've never felt so blessed- to be surrounded by my amazing Shedd family, and my amazing new family, all in one place!! It was a strange combination, but I feel so, so lucky.

My mum and dad made such a huge effort to make my friends welcome, and I can't thank them enough- they did so much for us! And the guys came so far just to be there for me- it's incredible. I'm all gushy just now because I feel so incredibly blessed and happy. I can't even put it into words.

I can't bear to think about these guys leaving- I want to live with them forever. They're my family. If any of you read this- Karen, Chloé, Paaaaaaige, Pete, TJ, Katie, Angela- I love you guys so much, and I'm so thankful that you shared that with me. I'll never forget it. 

A more insightful post may be forthcoming when my head is a little calmer- but for now, thank you God.

Introductions

I haven't yet shared how blessed I have been this semester with wonderful new friends. The people I now live with are amazing. Of course I miss my girls- don't get mad at me!!- but the new bunch are equally fantastic.

Left to right, this is Paige, me, Pete and Chloé on the shore of Loch Lomond. We all went up there for a day out at the weekend. Paige is an American- from Arizona,  to be precise. She is hilarious, adorable, and I'm sure she won't mind me saying, a total nerd. Pete, in the middle, is from Maine and is the tallest man in the known universe (in my opinion). My niece is terrified of him. He puts up with a whole lot of stick from us- ALL the time. We steal his stuff, make fun of everything he says, and just generally annoy him all the time. Maybe a more accurate descriptor would be the most patient man in the known universe. Then there's Chloé on the right- she's from Tulle, in France. She has an incredible sense of humour and has taught us a lot of rather inappropriate expressions in French!! She's very French, and we take the mick out of her for it constantly. She is planning to stay here in the UK if it's at all possible. 

The only one not in this picture is Karen, from Kerry in the Republic of Ireland.  

Karen and I have a...special kind of friendship, which consists of fannying about the place constantly and rarely doing anything productive at all. We have a lot in common, ad clicked pretty much straight away. 

All in all, I'm so very blessed this semester- we have quite the little family!! We rarely get anything done, but we sure have a lot of fun in the process. I'm so grateful to God for having given them to me, even if only for a short while- but let's not think about that yet!! 

So now, hopefully you'll know who I'm talking about next time I start rambling!

Getting Closer!!

The week is finally here- my baptism is on Sunday!! And amongst all the nerves, anticipation and organisation, it's so easy to lose focus and get caught up in details. I'm finding I need a little time to find my rest in God- not easy when I also have exams and assignments to worry about!! 

Dear God,

I pray that you bless me with calm this week. I thank you for the amazing life you have given me, and for the opportunity to stand up before your people and share what you have done for me. I pray that you would be with everyone who attends that service, keeping those I care about safe and well. 

Thank you that I have such wonderful friends willing to go so very far to support me, especially those who do not believe in the same things as I do. Thank you that they are willing to sacrifice their pride to support me. 

Thank you for the young adults who will be there supporting me also, and blessing me always with their love and friendship. Thank you that I have Linda to stand along side me as we take this step together. Be with her also this week, calming any nerves she may have. Give her the confidence to embrace this step and speak aloud of all you have done. I pray the same over myself at this time, Lord. We are nothing without you.

In Jesus Name,
Amen.

And so it begins...

The new students have began to arrive...

So far we have two boys, both from the same school in Wisconsin. One of them for sure is a Christian, which is good news for me! It's nice knowing there's someone else going about and you're not the only weirdo on the floor! (Joking, of course, but you get my drift). They both seem nice, and we also discovered there are other permanent students staying at the other side of the floor! How we managed a whole semester without knowing they were there is beyond me.

Generally, it's less lonely now that there are definitely people out there! And we managed to have a decent conversation about church and baptism and all of that kind of stuff with the girls who already live here last night which can only be a good thing.

It's funny how these things happen- I had spent the day hoping and praying for another Christian to arrive at some point, and the same day, into the kitchen walks a guy wearing a 1 million for Jesus t-shirt who wants to be a youth pastor- I don't know about you, but I don't believe in coincidence- God really does hear us when we call! 

In other news, SAAS came through today and I should get 3 weeks worth of Boots pay tomorrow, so things are looking up on the money front. The lady at residential services said just to come in with cash here and there to pay off my December rent- even if it's only £20 or whatever at a time. So that's a bonus. I really do believe that God will provide for me this year, but I need strength to keep believing it every time things go wrong. I've learned this week that provided I have food in, I don't actually need to be spending money- I haven't spent a penny since Monday, and I haven't wanted for anything. I also may be able to get work as a telephone fundraiser or student ambassador which would be perfect as it would only be during the semester, so prayers for that would be appreciated!

All in all, today is a good day. I'm off to step class with the girl across the hall now- pray I survive that and the rest of the day will be great!!

Blessings x

Exciting News

There's good news, and there's bad news. It's always better to end on a high, so firstly, I heard back from SAAS today and they are not going to reassess my loan and bursary. This means I cannot afford to pay my rent, or living costs at all for that matter, from here on in, so I am leaning on God more than ever in this department. There really is no money. It's not what I want to be thinking of or concerned with, but there it is. I'm a bit lost on how to deal with it. Please do pray if you would- it's a scary situation.

The good news, however, is very very exciting!! I had a meeting last night with Stephen, our pastor at Shedd, and set a date for my baptism- Linda and I will be baptised together on March 17th. I can't wait!! It's such a great thing to happen in my life. A chance to make a chance, to publicly renounce the way I have behaved in the past and start fresh.

There are plenty of practicalities along with baptism, not least deciding what to say when the time comes!! I guess I'll worry about that when I have my peace and quiet in my room back, and unlimited time to get it done. I also have to choose someone to be waiting with my towel when I get out. That's as hard I think. I want it to be Amy!! But she's very very far away unfortunately. Besides that, I do have some very good friends at Shedd. There are three people I'd like to ask so I just have to choose one- one is ruled out by gender, since I need someone to come into the ladies with me!!

I'll have to do lots of praying about this one I think. I can't wait!!!!

Inspiration

my tiny piece of inspiration for the day- because God reaches out to us when we are struggling, and in ways we do not expect.

I was looking for pictures to put on Enough to Eat (check it out here, it's my baby), when I just felt the words "They are not You" in my mind, over and over. I know the phrase, it's from One Tree Hill- Peyton drew this for Lucas in the early days. I always felt a connection to Peyton's character, and her artwork was something that stuck with me. This picture, the words, just speak to me right now. 

I feel God's calling on me at the moment, as though He has big plans, but I just have to keep pressing into it to find out what it is. It's related to my passions, to Tearfund, to Street Pastors, that I'm sure. I feel called to mission in the next few years also- to some real travel and experience. But it's a waiting game, and it feels like the time while I have to work and study like a regular person is dragging. 

I needed this message to break through my haze- they are not you. Everyone has their role to play and everyone's role is equally important. It's all in the Dead Poet's Society quote- "the human race is filled with passion. So medicine, law, business, engineering... these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love... these are what we stay alive for."

God has a life for me that is worth staying alive for. He knows what I need- and I have nothing to worry about.

They are not me.

21 Years...

It is officially my 21st year of being alive. How exciting!! I have learned so much recently about the value of joy and of celebrating, that rather than make a list of rules for myself this New Year (which I will undoubtedly break very quickly!!) I am going to plan some ways in which to celebrate. When a company or group of any sort turns 21, they celebrate for the entire year- and Luke 12:27 tells me just how God views me- I am much more important to Him than any business! He cares about my heart- and He wants it to be filled with joy. So I vow to spend this year in celebration, thanking God that He gave me a life that has the potential to be full of joy and laughter. I haven't quite decided how yet- but here is how I plan, God willing, to make a start:

I will become more active in my church and CU in Stirling. I will find opportunities to serve God in my new home this year. I will do things that I enjoy!! I will pray into the things I would love to be doing for God- I think it's about time I started singing again- please God? I also plan to train for and join the Street Pastors- another way to celebrate the restorative power of my loving creator?

I will do more things that I enjoy. I rarely do anything purely for the sake of it- just for me. This year I will join societies and clubs which enjoy- it's time to get my confidence back and just give things a go. God willing, I will find things that I love, and inject a little joy back into my life.

I will stop saying no. I do not mean I will abandon all wisdom and render myself ridiculous- BUT I will try to let go of my tendency to refuse before a question is asked. I will experience more this year.

I will start y travelling fund. At 21 years old, it's time to stop saying I want to travel and start doing something about it- first stop California!! 

So, if you see me this year, and I don't seem very happy about life, remind me of this promise- I will live every day thanking God for the breath in my lungs, and start experiencing life. After all, I guess 21 is kind of...an adult?

Blessings at New Year

In our rush to encounter all of what the new year has to offer, we often forget to count our blessings. I do it all the time- so I've put together a list of all of the wonderful things that happened to me this year as a reminder to myself.

I moved to Stirling this year. I have experienced living by myself, and grown up a lot as a result. I love being self-sufficient- God has shown me that I am much more capable than I believed. He has also taught me the value of relying on Him- I do not have all the answers, and I never have any money, but by His grace I will survive.

 I joined Shedd. God led me to the most wonderful church I could imagine this year, at the time when I needed it most. I love every single one of the friends I have made there, and the old friends I have been blessed to reconnect with. Shedd is about family, and I am blessed beyond words to be a part of theirs.

I met my beautiful Americans. I have been blessed beyond words in meeting some of the most wonderful people this year- and my life is richer for it. Living with other people is challenging, but there is no one I would rather have experienced it with. I miss them every day, but I thank God that I got to spend the time I did with them, and that I may yet see America for myself!!

I spent time working out in the real world. I got to experience a little of what real adult life is like this year- and meet some fabulous people. I'm so grateful to God for the opportunity- and it helped me to see that a "normal" job will never be for me, revealing another piece of the future I'm trying to see for myself.

I was able to take a holiday with Shelley. Visiting Loch Lomond was a fantastic experience- and I found my favourite place in the world! On top of that, because God is an extravagant God, the very place I fell in love with is only half an hour from where I now live, and I can go there whenever I need to get away.

There have been many, many more blessings, large and small, in my life this year. Sometimes it feels unfair that so many of them are now past and memory- but I do well to remember that what God gives, God takes away. Life is short, and I intend to make the most of it. I believe that I will see my friends again some day, if God wills it, and maybe I will have the opportunity to see more of the world than I ever imagined. 

I leave you with one thought to cling to this New Year- Earth is and will always be the most common place of miracles.

It's been a long day...

A Hard Day

My first day working in the January sales is over! (Even though it's only Boxing Day!!) It would be fair to say I'm exhausted. I actually quite enjoyed it though- it certainly passed quickly. Nothing like a huge crowd to keep you on your toes. 

An exaggeration, perhaps?

Reflection

Surprisingly, I found quite a lot of time for thinking and speaking to God today. I have been thinking a lot about our true names- what God sees when He sees us. When I look in the mirror, I see a lot of things looking back. How do we see ourselves? For me, at least, there are many things- some days I see my illness and nothing else- though those days are rarer than ever now. I see depression in all it's glory, and every negative thing I can attach to myself. Sometimes, like everyone, I see what I think others see when they look at me- maybe a little too chubby, or not quite right in any other ways. And quite honestly, especially now that there is so much pressure in my job to look right, all I see is my hair. The list goes on. I'm sure everyone has one. The question is, how important are these things that I see? The truth is that much of what goes through my head when I see myself is far more superficial than I would like the world to know. And even more importantly, what does God see?

Sunshine

God has shared with me many times now through prophetic words, and reminded and reinforced for me today, that to Him I am sunshine. I am yet to understand the full significance of this, but I hope that one day I will. In me, God sees His glory. That is not me being egotistical, by any means- we all have a share in God's glory. Mine is different from yours- and your glory is unique to you. I have been in some dark, dark places in my life- but I have been called to bring light. My true name is sunshine. Now doesn't that sound childish when put like that?

It's not though. It's what God has called me to be, and I am proud of  it. My heart, at it's most alive, is a heart of light- a heart that brings joy.

I am happy to be light. I am happy to be sunshine. And most of all, I am happy to be called by God to be His own.

A Change of Heart

Excited!!

I'm feeling really close to God at the moment, as I mentioned in my last post. I have been reading another John Elderedge book- every time I read one it seems to change how I see God completely- and always just in the way I need. The last one I read totally changed the way I see Jesus. This time it's Waking the Dead. It's all about God's desire to see us come alive as we were intended to be. The key message is that the glory of God is in man fully alive. It's a difficult message to understand- it's one that has to be received rather than explained and it took me quite some time to get there- but it changes everything. Literally everything. The idea that my living life fully alive brings glory to the Lord- was the purpose of Jesus' coming- has fired up my soul. 

Alive

It's given me a confidence that has been lacking recently. One that I found at Imagine this year, but lost somewhere along the way, in all the relationship drama and other nonsense since summer. It's been stolen by the enemy in the course of my trying simply to live out each day- I have forgotten again what it means to be me. If my being fully alive is God's desire and glory, then alive I shall be. I feel alive. It's a change in me- a change I genuinely believe those close to me should be able to see. We forget that original glory came before original sin. God made us glorious- so being fully human, fully myself is actually a good thing. The best thing. 

I had a great chat with Amy about this kind of thing a few weeks ago. As Christians, we often face the idea that there is a certain way we ought to behave- especially, I find, as a young woman. I must be gentle, polite, calm and not imposing. Well God did not create me that way. I am not quiet. I am not gentle. I am loud, and happy, and I like to share what's going on with the people I love- not keep it to myself in the name of saving face. And that, my friends, is how God made me. I  have suppressed this on and off for a long, long time. I get attached to people quickly- but I show it slowly. I never want to be seen to be too much- for the fear that who I really am is, in fact, not enough. But what I have discovered is this- to fail to embrace the way you were created is to deny the glory of God in your heart. What we were actually discussing was swearing- an odd example, I know, and not something I advocate, although I have been known to use some choice words on occasion. Okay, much more than on occasion. For a long time, I swore like a sailor. Or more accurately, like a chef.

Experience

To explain where our discussion took us, I have to explain why it is that I swear, and what I believe about how we are created. I never used to swear- not ever. That was before I ended up working in a kitchen. By the time I had been there five years, speaking that way was normalised for me. It was just how we communicated- and it was noticed if you didn't. I have always sought to fit in- this, I think, is clear. But some habits are difficult to break. Here's the clincher. though- God has a plan for each of us. He puts us in certain places as we grow to prepare us for His great plan. There are people each of us will cross paths with, and those are the people we should communicate with, build relationship with, and share our lives with. If the best way to communicate with them is on their terms, well then God may well call us to fit into their world. That looks different depending on where we are, but if it's in His plan, it most certainly is not wrong. 

Please don't think that what I'm trying to do here is to justify one of my bad habits- it's something I acknowledge, and I genuinely believe I'm getting a lot better, by grace. God is changing my heart, and speaking that way no longer feels natural to me. What I'm really getting at is the heart of the issue- the heart of all of our issues. We are broken now- but we were created glorious. Jesus came to forgive us- but also to allow us to forgive ourselves, and most importantly, to make us whole again. To restore our hearts to glory. I am no longer afraid to stand out and be noticed, because I trust that in prayer and through a genuine change of my heart, God will have me noticed for the right reasons.

Doing Life

You are told constantly that there is a "Christian" way to behave, and to do life- but that's the problem. We are doing life- we are not living it.When we modify our behaviour- and do not ask and allow the Lord to modify our hearts- we deny God the chance make us whole- I deny Him the opportunity to make me fully me again. We are not called to sink into the shadows. We are called to bring light.

You and I need to embrace ourselves- I am me. No one can be more me than I- and I am just as God intended me to be. Life can destroy me, if I let it. Only God can make me glorious in the essence of who I was born to be. And that, my friends, is the most important thing I ever need to know.

My New Project

One Blog wasn't enough!

As part of my Tearfund Rhythms project, I've started a new tumblog!! It's called "Enough to Eat?" and my aim is to draw attention to those in the world who are less fortunate than myself and maybe give a few tips on how we can alleviate their suffering. In the grand scheme of things, it's not a lot, but it's important to me. I'm learning the value of advocacy, and everywhere I go I'm getting new ideas- cue me investing far too much time in yet another blog! I'm very excited about it- feel free to check it out:

http://enough-to-eat.tumblr.com

Big Decisions

I've made a big decision- and it's very exciting!!

I'll be taking baptismal classes while I'm home, with the aim of getting baptised before I go back to Stirling. I'm looking forward to it a lot!!

It's been a bit of a journey- baptism is something I've been thinking about for a while now- I really think it's the next step for me, as becoming a fully fledged member of Shedd who contributes and all that is really important to me. I also feel that after all I've done and been through, God wants to reaffirm that he can wash anything clean- there is a lot I have done that I'm not proud of and that gesture of love is important to me. I'm also very afraid of going under water- an obvious barrier to the whole idea of full submersion!!- but I've been working with my good friend Amy on getting over that fear, and I finally feel ready.

It means a lot to me to have the chance to stand publicly and renounce my behaviour in the past, and embrace all that God has for me in the future. I'm very excited!!

Home for the Holidays

I'm home :)

It's bittersweet. Saying goodbye to the girls was one of the hardest things ever- it's amazing how close you can get to people in such a short time when you all live together- but my parents are glad to see me and I will be able to go to Shedd tomorrow. I also went to my sister's and saw her and Katelyn for a while tonight. 

I thank God so so much for putting those girls into my life, I love them too much. I trust that he will bless me again next semester with people who will enrich my life. In the meantime I have plenty of free time to catch up with the wonderful people I missed while I was away :)

Finished!!!

Well, the semester is officially over. My last final is done and I am free to go home, or stay here, or basically do what I want. I've been desperate to get home all semester. But now...

Well, I don't need to get back for Lewis any more. I saw my mum at the weekend so she'll be fine for a few extra days, and my friends- well they're all here. And now I have to face the reality that when I leave on Saturday, I say good bye to most of them, kind of forever. Unless on the slim chance at some point in our lives we're visiting the countries each other live in, we won't ever hang out again. I know I'll see amy- that's not the same. I couldn't live without her for ever. But I like living with these people. I like what we have. And now everyone is going home- and they're not coming back.

After Christmas, we get an onslaught of new exchange students and go through the whole process of making friends all over again. It never occured to me to keep anyone at a distance, but it's starting to. I hate goodbyes. If we make friends with all the newbies, this has to happen again. I sometimes wish I was the sort of person who could detach myself. But I know in my heart that isn't what God wants for me. I read a quote this week from Andrea Gibson:

"A Doctor once told me I feel too much. I said, so does God. That's why you can see the Grand Canyon from the moon."

It's my greatest gift and my Achilles heel- I feel too much. I'm scared to ask God to break my heart for what breaks his because when he does it cripples me. There must be a way I can draw my strength from Him- to be stronger. I've experienced pain and heartbreak, and I know I can withstand it, but I love too deeply too quickly and that leads to so much pain. I don't know how I'll deal with saying goodbye to these people- I love them all, even those I had trouble with at first- but I know God will be my strength, and I know he will send people into my life in their stead- he won't leave me here alone.

Exam Day!

I have my sociology exam today.

I'm sure it'll be fine- first year exam, can't really go wrong can it? But I'm still a little nervous. Tomorrow I have law, which is way more cause for concern. Unfortunately my life kind of revolves around studying at the moment, so there isn't very much worthwhile to say.

I'm a little worried about the weather, as the snow at home means I might be stuck here for a while, but I guess God's will is in that- I'm in no hurry to get back, I'll go when I'm sent. I'm going to have to say goodbye to my lovely American friends when I do go, so I'm not really looking forward to it. I'm not sure what I'll do without the Amys!! I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. 

More later- must study!!

God Bless x

Money Worries

So I decided it's time to stop ignoring my problems with money and actually do a budget and work out what I need. My pastor at home advised that this would help me, and that although it's good to trust God, I need to know what I'm asking for. Ignoring it is not going to make it go away. 

So, my budget showed up a shortfall of £3000 between now and when I finish for summer in June. That's taking into account my student loan as it stands, not looking at the changes that I'm hoping are made to my bursary and loan- I'm still waiting for SAAS to come back to me on my appeal. It's been 5 months now. 

This was always going to be my challenge- to trust God when there doesn't seem to be an answer. I think the key is to take it a month at a time, and not to focus on how I can make ends meet. I know in my heart that I'm doing what God wants mew to do- now I just have to trust that he has a way of doing it. I gave up financial security when I decided to follow God's will, and it's hard not to look back on that with a little- not so much regret as just wishing I had a little more of that freedom.

God has a purpose. He has a plan for my life, and in some way or another this will serve it.

Visions

So I guess I omitted a pretty big piece of information about the time when I was ill at home. To shed a little light on the background to this, prophecy is something I have been praying into for a long time, and talking over with people I know take this kind of thing seriously. I'm not brave enough to even attempt to prophesy over another person, whether I know them or not, but with God's help I'm working on it.

I guess what got me thinking about prophecy properly in the first place was Mike Pilavachi's talk at Imagine Scotland this year. He put forward the idea that actually we should desire spiritual gifts, which is biblical- 1 Corinthians 14:1- Follow the way of love and eagerly desire spiritual gifts, especially the gift of prophecy. To me, the idea that all I had to do was ask God for spiritual gifts was totally new- it never occured to me that people weren't born with the ability to use certain gifts, and as far as I was concerned before, mine was my voice. 

Mike Pilavachi speaking at Imagine earlier this year

Mike told us a story about a time when he was asked to sit with a man renowned for his gifting in prophecy and had absolutely no idea what to do. When the first couple came to them, he sat for a long, long time, and all that he could think of was a swear word in Greek, which was a terrible, derogatory thing to call a woman. He really didn't want to say it, but when he got up the courage, the woman broke down. It turned out her ex-husband had been Greek, and emotionally abusive. Even in front of other people he did not refer to her by her name, but rather by this terrible word. The lesson he shared, essentially, was that if you listen to God, however crazy it seems, he'll tell you what He wants people to hear.

And so, long story not so short, this idea really moved me and I feel prophecy is a gift God wants to share- but for now I'm comfortable just getting visions for me!! 

So, back to the original story, last Sunday night we had a Worship Central session at Shedd. Boyfriend convinced me to stay an extra day to go to it, and it was so incredibly beneficial. During a time of worship, I asked God to show me the plans he had for me, and what I saw was this (and I'm aware I have now crossed the line into crazy people territory, just bear with!!)-

So first I saw a city at night from above- then I saw the Wallace Monument behind that city, so ok it's Stirling. Then every person in the city who needs God lit up and shone like a yellow light, so the whole place was lit up with people. There was a concentration of light in one particular area, so ok now God's showing me where there is the greatest need for Him. Then, I was in Cornton (which I only know because I've driven through it like twice) and I was standing in front of the church there (which I've never seen in my life). Then the doors open, and a rush of water comes out, and there are people swimming in it- they circled around the people with the lights, who were then lifted up out of the water towards the sky. So at this point, I was confused and a little scared, but excited all the same. So I asked God what I need to do to bless Him, what He wants me to do- and then I was before Jesus. God told me to get on my knees, so I did (in real life too!) and Jesus anointed me with oil.

Cornton Baptist Church

So now everyone is thinking I'm mental, and that's fair enough- I might be!- but I'm so sure of God's promises and that what He tells us in the bible. He tells us that prophecy is real- and given the trouble I've been having finding a church to keep going to, this seems pretty clear to me. I guess all I can do is go there and see what happens. The thing about prophecy is it's not an exact science- it could well be that I didn't see what I thought I did, or I only saw what I wanted to see, or even that I misunderstood what I did see. But all I can do is pray into that, trust God and go forward.

Home Sweet Home (or something like it)

It feels so good to be back in Stirling!! And look at the wonderful view I was greeted with:

The View over the Loch on Campus

Autumn is most definitely my favourite time of year. The entire way from home to university I was treated to beauty as far as I could see. The colours are so rich and vibrant, and everything smells so nice- and that chill in the air gets me so excited for Christmas coming!! I really felt God telling me that the beauty I see now is just a taste of what's to come- and that's so exciting too! 

I went to Shedd for the morning service before coming back down the road today- and I'm so thankful. The teaching was so relevant. Our pastor was talking about the importance of relationship with people- not only Christians but also those we want to reach out to. The idea, of course, is that Jesus was so truly interested in the people he met, so genuine with them, and reached out to them in ways they understood- and we should do the same. There was some discussion on the importance of empathy, which is something I feel fairly gifted towards, but I need to get past my fear of putting myself out there if I really want to bond with people. 

Following on from that, coming back here was great. I just love talking to people, and that's all I've done since I got home. I've had a catch up with my best friend (who reads this so I have to say nice things about her)which was great as we haven't seen a lot of each other lately. Moving in and starting a new semester and meeting flat mates all takes up so much time!! It was so nice to just relax, and to talk for the sake of it. Then I went out for a walk with some of my flat mates so that we could enjoy some of what autumn is bringing- one of them is from California so Autumn is a totally new concept to her. Watching how excited it makes her is genuinely lovely. 

The other side of the loch

I guess what I've taken from today is that God has so much in store for me here- there is so much to be seen and experienced, so many new people to meet, and of course the value of steadfast friends when so much is changing.God uses everything to teach us a little about himself.

Moving In

Culture Shock

My new home was very, very different to what I was used to. Even after a month, there's some adjusting to do. There were practical things to think about, such as finding cupboard space in the kitchen and fitting all of my things into my little room, as well as the rest. My mum helped me to move in, which must have been hard for her. We have always been close, and her leaving was challenging. I called my best friend straight away so that she could cheer me up- in retrospect I should have turned to God and that's where I started to fall down. 

My New Home

My room is very small compared to my room at home, and sharing cooking space is something I struggle with. I have taken to eating at erratic times simply to guarantee peace to cook! This is something I will have to work through, with God's help of course, as I miss a great deal of opportunities to talk to my flat mates by keeping to my room as much as possible. This is something I have worked on since moving in, and I sit in the kitchen much more often now than at first. 

New Friends

Gradually over the next few days I started to meet the people I'm to live with this year. A lot of them are exchange students, mostly in their third year of study in the USA, so my fears of being the oldest there and not fitting in were largely unfounded. I believe that this was by God's grace as it was something that I had a lot of worries about. They proved to be lovely- and a few share my faith, which is such a huge support, although not something we openly discuss as yet. 

Me with one of my lovely new flatmates

There have been the usual issues over keeping the kitchen tidy, noise levels and such like, but nothing major so far. I can only thanks God for putting me with such a nice group of people- though I rarely dislike anyone, I am not the most patient of people, nor I suppose the easiest to live with due to my (at times erratic) mood changes and constant need to please everyone, which I have learned over the years can be irritating.

I have found it tricky to socialise in such a large group, and it wasn't until some opportunities for one-on-one time presented themselves that I made any true friends. For the first week, it was a very lonely place to be. I stopped talking to God as much as I should have, and desperately wanted to fit in. Because of that, I fell back into old habits- but more on that later. Within 3 days I came home for the night to see my family and boyfriend. 

Lessons

sharing my space is an ongoing challenge for me- particularly in light of the noise levels and amount of drinking that goes on sometimes. I think this is something I will need to lay before God and accept that I cannot change- all I can change is how I deal with the environment, and for that I need God's grace and the power only He has to change my heart.

God Bless x