Home Again

I'm not very good at moving out. I stayed away for 3 weeks this time before I came home. I have to say though, that for someone with Absence Anxiety this is a huge challenge. When I'm not with my Mum, my brain processes that in the way that a "normal" brain processes the appropriate reaction to the death of the missing person. It's a battle but 3 weeks away is a lot for me. If it hadn't been for everything with Lewis I think I would have managed the 4 weeks I had planned to be away for, but I needed my Mum too badly to stay away any longer.

I'm at the worst I've been since the initial break up today. I was ok, but Lewis text me to check in and make sure I was ok today, and I couldn't handle it. I hope I wasn't too hard on him, but I need closure- we can't do the sort of broken up but not really thing where no one knows where they stand, and I know that the way both of us feel that would be far too easy to get into. He hasn't done anything to make me hate him or be angry, besides one choice comment on a public blog shared with our church, and in a way that makes it harder. It's almost like we've been cheated out of what should have been something wonderful.

God doesn't cheat us out of anything though. We're still young, and we have a lot ahead of us. What ever is in God's plan will come to fruition, there's no doubt about that. I will learn to trust God again. Only then can I learn to trust people. Maybe then I'll manage a functional relationship!! :P

God Bless x