Old Habits Die Hard

It's natural when facing a new situation to try to blend in. It's human nature- a side effect to free will, if you like. For me, when I was far from God I would have a lot to drink. It was my way of fitting in to my group of friends, of disguising myself in the crowds. That was something I swore to myself I wouldn't go back to- it was a dark place, being someone I wasn't and always feeling a little at odds with who I really am.

Using drinking as a way to fit in has never been a healthy way to make friends- or indeed a way to create and sustain lasting relationships with people. The "honesty" that emerges when I drink has tended to be detrimental rather than helpful, and as someone who remembers every detail the morning after, it can be both embarrassing to look back on, and disappointing when conversations or goings-on are not remembered by all those involved.

Unfortunately, a couple of weeks into my stay in halls, I had stopped talking to God and decided the way to heal the distance I felt between me and my flat mates was to get drunk with them- old habits die hard, as they say. I decided I was fine with it and that there was nothing wrong with it, refusing to acknowledge that the distance I was feeling was between me and god, which was in turn causing distance between me and boyfriend. We were already struggling, not dealing with the distance well and arguing a lot. Luckily for me, the error of my ways was highlighted fairly quickly, and the remainder of my alcohol swiftly disposed of.

I'm not saying it's totally wrong for any Christian, or anyone at all for that matter, to drink. It's just wrong for me. It separates me from God because it is a reminder of a past he has redeemed me from. Of course there are issues from that past which I still need to seek forgiveness from, and deal with through prayer and bible study. Essentially, I need to work on calling out to God in times of trouble and worry rather than pulling away and drawing on my own strength, or boyfriend's, to see me over. To that effect, we have agreed that neither of us will drink if one of us can't. It's a far better incentive to me than the nagging I got before, but bless him he's always trying his best to protect me. I guess we both need to learn that that is God's job. By the grace of God I will carry on- and hopefully there won't be a next time.

God Bless x