Decisions, Decisions.

Where was I?

When I left the University of Aberdeen, it was always with the intention of returning to tertiary education within a year. Unfortunately, I allowed Satan the chance to get into my head in that time, and left the church I was attending. During this time I was far from God, and ignoring his plans for me.

By His grace, I had a good job with an oil company which allowed me the resources needed to learn to drive and make savings. Due to my refusal to listen to His plans, however, I almost accepted an offer to stay there indefinitely. I got comfortable, I enjoyed having money and feeling secure, regardless of the state of my relationships. Looking back, I was not as happy as I thought I was.

GE Dinner Dance- May 2012

In retrospect I know that there was always going to come a point where God made me choose between His plans for me and being financially secure. This year is going to be a huge challenge for me in terms of the amount of money I have- as I had no intention of returning to uni for the majority of the year, I saved very little of the money I made at GE. God has told me many times, through many people, that I will get through it if I trust in Him to provide for me.

Realisation

The realisation of what I truly needed to do came through talking to a good friend of mine. For a long time I have trusted her judgement- she has a heart for God and has been a sort of mentor to me over many years. I toiled over the decision for a long time. The light for me was being told that God puts His desires in your heart if you ask Him to. So I did. And it turned out that the true desire of my heart was to get back into my studies.

I talked over all of my issues with this friend- the demons that plagued me, the visions and nightmares and feeling of being so, so far from God. The state my relationships were in. I had attempted to read a book- "Let the Healing Begin"- a good one if you can get your hands on it- and had come to a point where the advice was to visualise the door in Revelation 3:20, and open it to Jesus.

But when I opened the door, there were terrible things behind it, manifestations of all my fears- so I shut it again.


Difficulties

Once I made the decision to follow God's will instead of my own, the attacks only grew. It was my boyfriend, at the time my best friend, and his mum, who first pointed out that I may need to face these attacks head on an tell Satan and his minions to leave me be. This has never been an area of my faith that I have been comfortable exploring. I had a bad experience with a presence of some kind when I was younger, and it left me terrified. What has been shown to me though, is that all these presences bring to me is fear- there is nothing to fear, only fear itself. Through reading God's word, and praying with others, I have come close to conquering this fear- I trust God more now than I ever have before.

The Start of the Journey

The decision that I was to leave was hard to make- but it was only the beginning. I depend on God for my comfort, and my sanity some days! I'll explore more of those challenges later...

God Bless x