Feeling Poorly

Up To Date

Well I guess that's us up to the present day- time for the real blogging to start!! I hope the previous posts weren't too dull- I guess background is important.

So Where are we Now?

I still don't have a church in Stirling, and I have only been to the CU once. I did have a very exciting vision from God regarding which church to go to- but more on that once I've seen where it's going!! I'm missing a lot at the moment as I have had to go back home for a while. The Doctors diagnosed me with Whooping Cough, which is a highly contagious condition, so until I have completed a course of antibiotics I can't really stay in halls. 

It also means I can't sleep very well as the coughing is at it's worst at night time. I wake myself up coughing frequently. It's challenging to say the least. It seems like a small thing, but every time I try to sleep I find myself begging God for a little respite, and when I get no response, to be honest it's exhausting. 

Boyfriend is away this week, starting his discipleship course down in London. He's in a bit of an ivory tower, which I guess makes it hard for him to understand what's going on at home. I'm so glad he's encountering god so deeply and learning so, so much. It's hard though- my biggest fear is that by the end of this course he will be so "spiritual" that I'll feel like I'm falling behind. He has a tendency, as do we all, I suppose, to talk as if he is on rather a higher plain when he is feeling close to God, and unfortunately that can feel like a disinterested "get on with it and be more faithful" at times- although I know that's not how he means it. Today, I found myself in tears after telling him how hard I was finding things and getting a rather impersonal response.

Of course it doesn't help that I'm feeling particularly fragile as it is, having been sent away by my flatmates and unable to get any real rest. I will need to work through my fears of being outgrown, and my hatred of perceiving someone to be patronising me. He doesn't mean to, but it's not going to be easy to take it on the chin. I guess I need to ask God to help me find ways to deal with it. Years ago, when we were just friends, I had a huge problem with boyfriend in that he tried to "fix" everything with a simple solution and spoke down to me a lot- in my mind, I see that coming back as he learns more about spirituality and discipleship. I would like to think that's not all on my side, but it's definitely something I need God's help with.

All in all, things aren't too great right now. Hoping for an improvement in things once I speak to my Doctor tomorrow, at least in terms of the illness.

God Bless x