Count your Rainbows, Not your Thunderstorms

I'm feeling very encouraged at the minute. As hard as things have the potential to be, there is definitely a silver lining to everything. It would be so easy, now that Paige is gone and the semester is well and truly over- all goodbyes said- to get caught up in how much that sucks and get down in the dumps for a while. But the way I see it, in a way to be insistent on moping about the past is a refusal to accept God's gifts, not only for now and the future but also for the time we miss. God's timing is perfect. He gives and takes away as is appropriate within his timing. That might be had to get our heads around, but in the long run, for me at least, that means appreciating gifts while we have them, and releasing them when the time is right.

I believe that all of us grew together this semester, and learned a great deal about ourselves. That only counts for something when we take it away and apply it to our "real" lives. So now is the time for that application.

One of the best things about having Paige here was that her spirit brings out the more "fun" side of me. She encourages me to act like a child, basically. And it's brilliant. Spending time with her is a great reminder about embracing life the way God intended. Her childish side is infectious! We played on swings, rolled down a massive hill, got ice cram, went paddling, played on a flying fox...it was fantastic! By the time she left on Friday night we were both exhausted, but it's safe to say that between all of that and the stand up comedy we watched in our spare time, we had a great few days together.

On Thursday I took her to the top of the Cairn O the Mount, a local beauty spot, for lunch. It's incredible out there, all rolling hills covered in heather, right out to the sea. We listened to country music and sang together and generally messed about- and it was beautiful. So simple, but such a gift for our last time together.

Of course I miss my friends. I still miss the girls I lived with last semester! It's hard to go from spending time with someone every day to not seeing them at all. On the other hand, you learn to appreciate people far more when they aren't around! I'm so in love with every single one of them, and we became so close- but it's time to move on. I will not do what I did last time round and retreat into myself, refusing to make any new friends for the fear of saying goodbye. That is not God's plan.

I will take what I have learned and the wonderful relationships I have formed, and focus on sustaining them all in a new way. I have God's promise, after all, that this was not goodbye- it is only see you later, and only for now.

Reflections

Wow, that semester just flew past! It's so strange that on the one hand it went so quickly, and on the other I feel like I've known the guys I met for ever. I was just so incredibly blessed to get to do life with such an amazing group of people. God sent a strong group of fellow believers to me just when I needed them most.

I have learned so so much from them too. They have saved my life this semester, looking after me and reminding me of what is important- and not forgetting that we had a lot of fun too!

There really are no words to describe how amazing this semester has been. It was all about the people. I learned that grades aren't actually the be all and end all. I learned that time is actually more valuable when you're willing to give it up. I learned to appreciate the people around me more than my alone time. We were a family, together. I miss them all already, so incredibly much- but I know that God sent them for a reason, and for a specific time. Plus, we promised at the end of the semester that it wasn't goodbye, only see you later!!

Prayer Points

Everything is fairly disorganised in my mind at the moment, but here is my list of prayers- either thanks, or requests- God wants to hear all of it I suppose!

• For my flatmate Evie, that her health would continue to improve and that she would make it through her exams with minimum levels of stress
• A huge thanks for all of the wonderful people I have met this year and a prayer that I could really make the most of the time we have left together.
• For my mum, that she will cope without me for a little longer ;) and also that she would be able to understand my reluctance to come home this semester.
• For the rest of my exams- peace, focus, concentration- and the ability to stay awake for full days at a time!
• For health and peace for me and all of my flatmates. 
• For the process of leaving- so much to do and so little time to do it/so little willingness to try!
• Financially- last rent payment due date has been and gone, still holding out for help from the discretionary fund!
• For a summer job
• Gratitude for the help I have received which has allowed me to make it this far financially. 
• Gratitude for the people at home caring about me and supporting me all the time (as well as one very special support in California who knows who she is!!)

One Down!

Well one exam is over!! That was stressful- but thank goodness it's done! I know that with God's help I can get through the next two.

The tricky part is all the catching up I need to do to prepare- the ups and downs of the semester have meant I have missed a whole lot of class. It's taking a lot of concentration to get through- and that's not something I have a great deal of at the moment! It seems so silly that it would be so hard, as academic stuff is the bit I've always been good at, but when it's a fight to stay awake for the day it becomes more of a challenge!

That and of course, the "essential" work being carried out on the windows which involves a huge crane bleeping constantly (a "safety feature" apparently) just outside. I don't think they quite understand how challenging exam time is for some of us over at residential services! However, I have sent them an email and hopefully there is something they can do. In the meantime, I need to take five to do my devotional and zone out of all the study stress!!

...

Well, today's reading is on accepting our weaknesses- that's a tricky one! Do we want to do something to impress others, or to glorify God? It's easy to convince ourselves that through the act of impressing others, we can glorify God- I'm not saying that's not the case, but God does not require us to build and maintain a reputation for Him. What he requires of us is to abandon our own. I think all of us come to a stage, at some point or another, where we need to make that choice- do we care more what God wants for us, or what people think of us?

That was certainly the case for me when it came to leaving my first university course- I didn't want to be the girl who dropped out, who gave up, in other people's eyes. It took me a long time to accept that no matter what anyone else thought, God had a plan for me, and it was to end up where I am now. I could not be more thankful for that.

Training

Today's devotional is all about allowing ourselves to be trained. It's all too easy to get caught up in the notion that we are under qualified for what God has called us to do, or to get so caught up in it that we rush ahead without taking the time to learn. It's so important to trust in the calling God has placed on our lives, and allow Him to bring it to fruition in His perfect timing.

This is so relevant as I seek to work out where I could be headed, and which path will lead me there. There are so many concerns about being employable, having other options to fall back on...the world is tough, and finding work is hard. It's good to take a step back and remember that it's all under control.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to bring about hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

God Provides

I was under the distinct impression that my ability to spend time with God would be dramatically reduced during exam time- it seems I am wrong, and as usual He is as keen to speak to me as ever, provided I make the time to listen.

Having just sent a long and detailed email to financial services explaining to them why I felt I was deserving of more financial help, I thought it would be productive to spend some time in prayer- as always, begging God to help me out because I was panicking. I opened my devotional to today's date in search of some inspiration, and the title which greeted me was this:

God Always Provides

Could there be a clearer sign than that? The passage that followed was an explanation of how Joyce Meyer had been called to give up her job to study the word for a time before she began her ministry, and how for her this was a time when she was to learn to trust God. She is utterly reliant on Him for everything in her current ministry, and would never have been able to take that step if not for the time of dependence beforehand. She learned to trust.

It's reassuring, is it not, that when we go through times that feel dark, when we struggle and suffer, there is a light coming? The knowledge that is is for something means everything. I am learning, I am growing, and God has big plans for me. What a revalation!

On the Internet

The internet is a fantastic tool. It's allowing me to share my life and thoughts with you and all the people that I love this very second. What makes it so brilliant is that it allows us to connect with each other, to share knowledge, wisdom, stories and jokes across the entire planet.

But there's always a down side isn't there? For me, the amount of time I spend on the internet does actually disrupt my everyday life. I read somewhere recently that spending over 6 hours in a day online doing nothing that is essentially productive is classified as an internet addiction. My first thought was "6 hours! That's absurd, who could spend that much time online?"

Then I thought about it. The first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is no longer to acknowledge God and ask for His blessing over my day. It is to check my facebook notifications, tumblr notes and emails. The evenings I started the semester sharing with my flatmates have become filled with pointless internet activity. And if I have no plans for the afternoon, guess what I'll be doing? Watching online re-runs of my favourite shows. Now, whether or not getting up to date with this series of Supernatural is productive is up for debate. The issue at point here is our priorities- what matters most to me?

I would never consider deleting my facebook, for example, and my reasons are simple- I use it daily to contact people I love who live very far away. But what about when I use it to tell my flatmate something instead of getting up and going to her room? It may save time, but it also means we miss out on all the extra  conversation that goes on face to face- just doing life together, sharing our day. 

I'm not saying for a second that I, or anyone else, should give up the wonderful resource that is the internet- nor should we give up our down time, and if you happen to enjoy using that time to connect with people and information online, so be it. What I'm suggesting is that we re-evaluate exactly what we do online, and why we do it. I switched my PC off, rather than putting it on standby, for the first time since I moved back to Stirling last night, and read a book instead. And I slept like a baby. I used my extra time to pray and meditate on where I'm going, and it made it much easier to focus on study today.

I think, for me at least, it's time to focus more on what God would have me do with my time, and less on Tumblr fandoms.